Getting your mind right

With Ferenc Nyiro, The Little Bird House, Phuket, Thailand.

Our mind is a curious thing and most accept our thoughts determine our reality – yes? But many continue to believe it’s outside of our control. Not forgetting, these last couple of years have been pretty intense on the thinking front!! 

But we can control our thoughts. It requires a lot of introspection and laser focused attention on the thoughts that rattle around in our brain every day, and if we get good at it, we can change ourselves in deep and fundamental ways. We can break free of thought patterns that hold us back and we learn to take responsibility for our lives too.

It’s a process, but boy is it liberating when you get good at watching your own thoughts. Assessing them, considering where they come from, and sometimes, you have no idea at all why you think certain ways. It’s only by being able to look at your thoughts objectively that you can start to see the patterns.

When I recorded this podcast, I thought we were going to talk about surviving a pandemic as an artist, but when you speak with Ferenc, you never know where it will go and I’m happy we went in this direction. I love having chats with Ferenc and hope you enjoy it too. 

If you’re interested in his art or his WTF pants, please do check out his social media accounts below. The painted fishermen pants are brilliant and perfect gifts. 

You can find Ferenc here - The Little Bird House Art Gallery & Yin Yoga Studio https://www.facebook.com/pages/The%20Little%20Bird%20House%20Art%20Gallery%20&%20Yin%20Yoga%20Studio/113395007672256/ on Facebook

Or you can follow him on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ferenc.nyiro 

Or Instagram Ferenc Nyiro (@artby_ferenc_littlebirdhouse) • Instagram photos and videos 

To get in touch with me, all of my contact details are here https://linktr.ee/andreatedwards

My book Uncommon Courage, an invitation, is here https://mybook.to/UncommonCourage

My book 18 Steps to an All-Star LinkedIn Profile, is here https://mybook.to/18stepstoanallstar

Transcript

Unknown: 0:00

Hi, it's Andrea Edwards. Welcome to Uncommon courage. I got a bit of a cold today, but that won't stop me. And I'm really looking forward to introducing you to my friend Ferenc Nero. And we are going to be talking about how to get your mind right. It's not an easy journey. You're up, you're down, you're all over the place. But that real awareness of your thoughts and the role that they play in your life when you get it, it's a real game changer. All right, let's get stuck in Alright, hello, my lovelies. If you notice, I've got a croaky voice. My boys brought a cold, I suppose back from school, and now I'm suffering with it, but I it doesn't stop me anyway. And today, I want to introduce you to a very, very, very fabulous friend of mine in Phuket. Berends Nero. Welcome Ferenc. Hi. Nice to see you. I'm sorry that you're under the weather. You've done your back end. You've got a cold. Yeah. In the back. But yeah, that's the other thing that's added to it. Yeah. Yeah. The physio is not around. And you're on painkillers. Yeah, I think I think you're a trooper coming here today. I hope that you're gonna start feeling better and sleep. Thanks to the mission. The missions are always more important, right? People always say you got to slow down, you got to take care of yourselves. And, oh, it's one of the chapters in uncommon courage is burning the candles at both ends. People who want to do that will do that, regardless of what you say to them. Every time people say to me, I just, it makes me chuckle because you can't stop me being who I am. And yeah, people are different. Yeah, some people different you know, I mean, they're like, you know, that there'll be no there's some people you'd leave them in the forest and they chop down trees all bloody day, you know, something to do? Yeah. That's a very good point. But yeah, anyway, you got a fantastic story. And I don't know how much of it you want to tell. But give everyone a little bit of background on our on our on our friend that lives in the little blue housing Bank Tower in Phuket. Give us a little bird house, a little bird house, but it's also the little blue house. Yeah, you're right. It was green when I moved in actually was quite a sight. Yeah. But anyway, it's been beautified now but well, I don't want to bore your listeners. Yeah, with with too much. But I had a I had a life before I was an expat. I left the UK in 1992 in search of iron award. And I went to Lanza. rotti, the island of Lanza right into it. And I've been on holiday before then. And that was my that's what I thought well, okay, I'll go there. I'll go there. Yeah, so that I landed there. And and then I started asking, Where can I get a job? You know, and I found a job. And I told my attic if my returns. And I stuck into this job and I was working. I was working on a resort. Beautiful, showing people around in this beautiful resort lands, Rafi. And the people I will work in both pay me big commissions if these people got involved with the membership in this beautiful resort. Yeah. So I got my first bit of money, and celebrated with sangria, and tap pals, you know, it's fantastic. Yeah, I've made some money away from my own home country. Anyway. So that was the beginning of a very, very long journey. From there. I went to temporary after that. I went to Manila. I've been to in Dubai, Taiwan, China, Beijing, many places. A lot of places here, Bali. I've traveled. I've traveled extensively. I've always, I don't know, been searching for the light if you like Yeah. And I found it. I don't know. Yeah, we're, you know, I think it's quite nice. Now here. Good. But we never know what's gonna happen. When did the art come in? Like, because you were, you're working? You studied in the hospitality industry for a long time, right? Yeah, yeah, I wore the suit. You know, I've had the different job, lots of job, different jobs. I've had small jobs and big jobs. I've run big operations with 250 people where everybody calls me the boss, you know, done the meetings done the whole, you know, Shibu I always say the same thing. I've worked with all the sociopath, all the all of the company coaches, that it's done. It's been there. A long, long, interesting roller been very, very last year. But the art was always something that was with me from when I was young. And, you know, I always dabbled a little bit. Yeah. But it really started to take hold fully here. Probably three and a half years ago, something like that. You know, I kind of felt a bit stretched out, you know, worn out and stretched out working with different people. And I had enough, I've had enough. I get that. I mean, I totally get it. You know, I'd had enough of that. Don't get me wrong. I've been very fortunate in work situations. But I just got to the point where I've had enough with this kind of structured corporate or company culture life. Oh, yeah. And I don't think it's a big thing that break is on that it's the accumulation of small things. And it might be just one small thing where you say, you know, this ain't working for me, I need to change my life. I need to reinvent my life somehow, and I don't know what I'm gonna do. But I stopped working, which wasn't the wisest thing to do yet. As I don't do this anymore. I went home, and I started painting. I thought we'd take some time out, we'll have some parents painting, and somebody said, Oh, that's alright. That's nice. Thanks. Amen. Cheesy. Net. So I sold anything at all. One and another one, no one really wants to see something like this. Yeah. So it kind of like, wasn't plan was arrest. But then I finally got to the stage where I could. Maybe I can, you know, live a life that way. I don't know. It's still in progress. No, I don't know when it's gonna end. But it gets better. Will it get worse? I don't know. Yeah. But for a number of years, I've managed to hold my own. there abouts. Yeah, you know, yeah. And there's lots of reasons why you have and we'll talk about that in a minute. But I totally agree with you the that stepping out in the first place that leaving the comfort of home and just going without, I didn't even have a return ticket, I landed in London did the same as you look for jobs. So I had no idea that, you know, anyone would give me a chance. But eventually, I convinced somebody that I was good enough to give a chance to but I'm there taking the chance and having the courage to just take the step because the personal growth is, you know, once you go once you leave the comfort of home, it's just, it's really quite phenomenal, right? In that you can never be the same person again. And the longer you do it, the better it is. But also the harder it is to go home, right? Because you've kind of feel really disconnected. So I've sort of struggled with that side of things, but just wondering in the world's a beautiful place, right? But also believing you'll be alright. Something will come up. And it did you know been talking about that. So you've not only FB hero's journey, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the the idea of certainty is something I find really interesting, because I've never found that there is any such thing as certainty. So just follow the path and enjoy the ride and see where it takes you. Right, but not not everybody is comfortable with that. But if you could just try it in even in a smaller way, take a risk in a smaller way, and just see what happens. Because even if it doesn't work, there's growth and growth is great. I strongly believe that we manufacture we create our life. Yeah. And I also understand, I'm not advocating people should go and do anything they want to people that you know, I mean, I've found all the answers. Yeah, no one has, right. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's surprising what we can do. All of us when push comes to shove. And it might be a conversation, it might be a chance meeting, and I'm just referring to myself here, how my path is gone. I don't dwell on what I've done. I don't live in the past. So when I sometimes revisit, like, God, that that conversation took me from here to Bali. And then I then I then I created a life in Bali. That makes sense. Yeah, no, I love looking back not not to dwell in it, or to, there's certainly no regret, there's anything I look back with a smile on my face, because there's been so many fun times in the past, but at the same time that they're looking forward thing isn't something that I spend too much time on. Especially not at the moment, there's no point it's it's like the world's in limbo until we come out of this crisis. But it's kind of been nice to be forced to stay in the moment, rather than be constantly looking ahead. Cuz it's Yeah, I think it's given us all I mean, we're seeing it around the world, you know, people are changing their lives making different life decisions, realizing the paths they're on, aren't necessarily the paths that are bringing them joy. And so people are quitting jobs that aren't making them happy, or they're quitting jobs, because the jobs are taking everything from them. And there's no time for anything else. So yeah, it's a fascinating time. But you've gone through this time, this pandemic, and you weren't really that well established as an artist by this point, and a year and a half or so right of being I'm not now really, oh, you're talking? Well, I think you've done a great job, right. But one of the areas that has really suffered is anyone who works in the creative field, to an extent that's my field as well, right? professional speakers, no stages have been open, right? So the creative types have struggled more than anyone else. But not only have you created more than you've ever created, you've also been putting out a message of hope, but, you know, talk about surviving during a pandemic as an artist, what do you think are the key things? Oh, right. Well, as a as a human surviving through the pandemic, yes. Who likes to do do I do? Well, the art cheers me up. Sometimes I'll make a painting and you know, I won't like it. And sometimes I'll make another payment. Oh, I like that. Now, you know, so it gives you it's got a nice energy about it. Um, how to say survive, but no, no, I don't really know how I have. I spent a lot of time on my own. I'm kind of like that way inclined, and I'm quite happy with my own company. I'm very fortunate that way. Yeah. You know, I don't get too bored with myself. Yeah. Right. So I don't know I just kind of get on with You know, I don't wake up everything King, I'm going to make a particular type of painting or whatever, I don't make a plan, I wake up, and then I start to do something, and then something happens. And then I create a create, and I keep on creating my view was like, you know, well, I can't do very much about anything. In this bloody pandemic, we stuck in with a number of lock downs here. From the very beginning, we were the first place to be ever locked down quite a long time when we in the world before it all hit everybody. And, you know, so we got early on in that sense, you know, you know, so I just spend the time creating kind of thinking, right, well, you know, you got to build some stock up for the future, but to keep yourself busy, you know, everybody's going through major problems, you know, psychologically, I think there's also like cancer, mass psychosis going on. I think that people have, you know, had some really tough wake up calls over the last couple of years. Yeah. under the stress of all of this. Yes. And yeah, like to give a little bit of light out, yes, somewhere, you know, because there's always a crack of like, what happens sometimes I think that, you know, people can do the misery and the, the unhappiness is just so you know, and you just have to look on social media to see the warriors out there, you know, in the anger and stuff, and what have you done? No, I don't want to feed into that. Yeah. It's kind of a double edged sword. Really, because I work here, I work with a little birdhouses, great environment, I paint and I put these things on social media. And people, some people feel really happy in the lighting, you know, they're the like, the videos, the music, the paintings, all that stuff. Yeah, you know, I don't take myself too seriously. Now. My feeling is I get somebody gets a little bit of joy out of it. That job's done. Good. Now, I'm not here to give joy. I'm not saying that. We're sharing what I do. I'm actually sharing my little reinvention from somebody who was under the tie the yoke, right to somebody who's trying to get out of that to create a life here painting, making pants making paintings, whatever. Yeah. So I want to share some of that. But there's a flip side. Yeah. Because people might like you said before you never confuse the narcissist with somebody who's trying to make them make some money. Yeah, make a living? Yeah, people might look at somebody who's living in a little birdhouse, for example, when you see your friends on holiday, you know, on holiday, and it's cold, it's like, Hey, you bastard. Yeah, you know, so there's a double edged side in that, and sometimes people get it can't get it wrong on that side. But for the majority, hopefully, they, you know, they get something, I get a lot of feedback, you know, for the back, you know, and, you know, out of the way, you know, made my day or whatever, you know, a lot of good stuff. Yeah. So I think it's important to try and share optimism, them of like, no big thing. That's what I want to be a part of. Yeah, I think so many people don't get that essential message of what social media is, it's an entertainment platform, right. It's a it's a communication platform, an entertainment platform, and the message of hope of love of light of joy, if you can contribute to that, or to on the other side to thinking that's something I you know, I'm really sort of focused on. But I also want to contribute joy. So I'm not just a misery guts talking about the climate crisis, I'm talking about lots of other things. And China, I took a photo of a pineapple on a beach yesterday, and people love the photo, it's just a picture of a pineapple on the beach, but it brought joy to somebody, right? And it's just about, you share the experience with the world, but you on social media, you're exceptional. And you know, that, you know, that I pay attention to social media is a professional, right. And, you know, I see so many people and they've got a small business, and they just basically do the same things all the time, so you don't see it anymore. Whereas with you, you never know what you're gonna get. I chuckle so many times when I see your videos, but I think your your customers have have come to you because they're saying thank you. But the other thing is, like, you're also really brilliant at building relationships with people, you know, I've seen a lot of my friends that I've introduced to you have gone on to build a personal relationship with you and buy paintings from you. And they're saying, because they've seen me share something on social media. So this is how it works. You know, we we rise together, we shine a light on each other, we help each other and but it's not necessarily thinking thing. I think it's completely natural. But if you could sort of abstract thinking of your social media strategy. Alright, well, it's very simple. Guy, man. Let me just make this point. I'm not always on social media, right? There's snippets, little snippets of my life. So maybe maybe three or four posts a day of a painting, maybe a video here, you know, but they're just little snippets of the live my life. Yeah. And what I'm actually doing is, I think I'm doing a diary for myself. What I've done since the beginning of this, let's call it the art journey. Uh, huh. I've documented it quite knowing there's an audience there. But I'm not particularly playing to that audience. Because there's only a few people who are going to see it. But if I look at my timeline of my Facebook, we're talking about here. I've just got so much I'm sharing the struggle. I'm sharing airing the what we would call the hero's journey going into the chaos and trying to make something out of it. And I'm trying, I'm not trying, I'm just being, you know, saying I make a funny comedy, a little bit of a, you know, loving video, you know, and it's not like I've been thinking for two days, right on Tuesday or whatever. It's like, you know, I'm having a cup of coffee. And it's like, you know, where does the thought come from? Andrea, you don't know where our next thoughts are gonna pop up? Do we? Yeah, we can't, they can't find it. No one knows. So this thought will come in, like, do a video. So I'll just do something straightaway. And it's always, mostly always is a one take thing, Madam humor, you know, I'm having, you know, moved. I'm sharing the process of the journey. So there's enough footage, but I think it's important to document it. I mean, I think one of those things with me is that like, I've always done something like that. I remember in 1992 when I was an undergrad, I bought one of those video recorders, you know, big ones. And and I documented lots of things. But I lost all of that stuff along the way. But on this Facebook is there now it's in my timeline. Yeah. And when I've gone from this mortal coil, which we will all do, yeah. You never know. Who might get a smile in three years time. Exactly. Yeah, no, it's a gift. It's a blessing. You know, it's just being trying to be real. Yeah, exactly. And you know, it works. If I'm having a glum day, and I and you pop up, you make me smile. And that's to me, if you can make people smile, if you can make them smile, think or cry. That's what I always say smile. Yeah, right. What a gift, you know. And yeah, and that's why I encourage people to do it. Right, get on pay part of it. It's that they'll say the memories that are popping up, you know, brilliant, you know, watching my kids grow up on social, but their grandparents have watched him grow up on Facebook, right. But I also have these wonderful memories that pop up and go, Oh, wow, look at that, you know, they've got man voices now. And then I can listen to the little boys voices is brilliant. Yeah, it's brilliant. But yeah, but you've been the way you have participated. Like, even when I know you're having bad days. And one of the things you just said it's you're not planning it. And because I'm exactly the same, right? You know, when I asked you to do this podcast, she said to me, have you run out of gas? And it's like, no, no, no, no, I think about what do I want to talk about this week? And who do I want to talk to? That it's very spontaneous. So you know, I've done podcast interviews, and then they don't appear until six months later. So how I speak that is I can't talk about things that are happening right now. Because it's going to be out of date, by the time it goes live. So I need to do things when I'm inspired, not for the sake of doing them. And I think you do the same, then it's the more natural and it's okay, good. And, you know, as we've conversations might have a bit of a format, but we just don't know where we've been a segue to or whatever, yeah, and then we'll get something out of it, hopefully, and maybe, then people will get something out of it. You know, like and also like talking about the pandemic. You know, I think a lot of people out there like really, really struggled now we're talking to an expat community, perhaps hear a little bit, and other people might look on into the expat community and think, Well, that's great. It's wonderful to live in a tropical island. Yeah. Well, okay. Got to worry about Yeah, but you know, I see people here, you know, I'm talking expat community. Now, I'm not talking about the other things, which are brilliant, really major. Yeah, you know, about people being hungry. And all the work that's going on the expat community, I see a lot of people suffering here mentally, you know, having struggles and what happened, you know, and I think that's kind of part of what I want to be a part of little bit, you know, to actually, you know, because I have the struggles, you have to struggle through and have our struggles, or, you know, no matter where we are, we have our struggle, you know, and it sort of breaks my heart a little bit what, you know, one of the things that, you know, gets me is that so many people struggle, and they live inside their head in the narrative, you know, and they don't know any way out to be. And that's why, you know, you know, sometimes we need to sort of, like, bring a little bit of light somewhere to people. Yeah, because, you know, people are wandering around suffering with this narrative, the self talk, you know, the victimhood and all that kind of stuff, you know, and, and it spirals and it gets worse, and it's done. You can see it, you can see going on with people and they're in suffering. So, you know, joy, but a joy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's true. Like, you know, I saw quite earlier on, we're in the same storm, but we're not in the same boat and correct. You know, you know, what's going on here, and, you know, the work that's being done to make sure that people don't starve. And it's, it's been very, it's been very difficult, you know, and it's very hard to see that depth of suffering. But it's also very difficult to say the, the level of selfishness in countries that are wealthier, not doing the right thing, because if they do the right thing, they help the poorest of the world. But of course, the poorest of the world always suffer at the whims of the wealthy, right. And that's something that I just, it drives me so insane, but I try not to sit in that space of frustration and anger and despair, because I'll stay there. Right. So going back into the, you know, one of the things I've been sort of saying recently is we keep focusing our attention on the negative right, the negative people, the negative actors, the divisive people, the trolls, the conspiracy theory, believers, those people and I think a lot of the lack of of hope and despair is because the rest of us who are good, we're just looking at that all the time and thinking that's, that's it right? And we got to turn away from them. Now we've got to turn away from them and say, that's not what we want. This is what we want and come together and building, you know, they totally agree with you feeds like, you know, it's a Heaven or Hell yeah. And we met and we make the choice. Now, when it comes to the fake news and misinformation has always been around. It's like, you're just gonna read the Bible? Oh, no, I used to I used to say it was the first example of content marketing. Well, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Probably the tone mode, actually. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of good in there don't misunderstand that. A lot of there's a lot of kind of, like hanging them in anyway, we don't necessarily go there. Yeah. Yeah, you know, we, you're right, the negative is always a bit stronger than the positive, you know, and that's how we are, that's how we build, okay, that's how we survive, it has to be that way, right? Because if everything was positive, and hunky dory would have all been eaten by lions, by now, the stronger force is negative force, and also so you will see that we will see that, and we see that playing out with all of the different narratives that are going on, which be politics, which would be like, you know, the conspiracy theories, whatever, you know, any one particular bias, and people get stuck in that. And I, I think I've lost friends or people I know, because they know, I will not join them on that trip. I you know, I refuse to be a nihilist gotta stay on the side of hope, you know, but that's why I call my company, the pro human company. You know, I'm pro human, but I'm not naive. And I do know, you know, the bad actors and people are not, you know, Pete Well, it's how the world has been divided. So you know, it's there, who can't lie, not frustration. We create, we live we nurture around us, and like you say, ripples out, you know. And if you're doing something opposite to what other people are doing, if they're doing the negative stuff, or whatever, whatever, during the dark place, right? They're not going to appreciate you for that can shine the light on it. And you can, you know, you can override it. And it has to be that way. It is hard being in the middle of like a kind of a pandemic, but must be even harder in the middle of a war. Is everything prospective, isn't it? Yeah. So yeah, I mean, a lot of the frustration comes with us is when we lose our friends, and this takes over, it's like the tail wagging the dog while rather than the dog wagging tail, you know? Well, you see you talk to people regularly, you know, like you listen very carefully, it's still probably saying the same thing, just that you last week, the people are playing around with, like the narrative in their head, you know, so but that's sort of the you know, I think one of the things that I know that we both agree with is, we both work hard to stay positive, but we also both accept that you can't be positive. And that's okay, too, right? And so, positive psychology thing of, you know, if you're not happy, then you're, you know, there's something wrong with you, and which, to me, is just complete and utter bullshit. If you can't go on the roller coaster of emotions that life brings you which some are in your control, some are out of your control, then, you know, I mean, how can you learn anything that we have to have bad experience, we don't have to, but the majority of people will go through bad nurse, they will go, they will suffer on some level to grow. And that's just, you know, life and resisting the bad times resisting the bad feelings. So, you know, I've told you, you know, Steve, and I did a podcast when we first got our Astro vaccine. And both of us went into a pretty dark place for a couple of weeks. And we thought that was over. But it hasn't been over. And it's come back in different ways. And I've sort of been reaching out to some scientists, friends of mine, and I've been doing some research. And nobody's talking about vaccines, sort of causing depression or anything like that, because I'm able to go inside my head and segment my mind, because I've worked on it for so long, I can see these blackness in me that I know isn't there because I want one of their I put it there, but it's in me. And my job now is to accept it, to not resist it. And on the days when I'm just coming, you know, I could just get up and I'm just like, you know, I can't smile to save my life. I just tell my husband, this is where I am right now. And just, you know, just go easy on me. And then he does the same for me, right? But it's not resisting the feeling. It's accepting the feeling, and just trying to ride through it. And I know, we'll get to the other end of it. But I know that you're, you're a great thinker when it comes to this sort of stuff. But if you know if there's someone sitting there going, how do I how do I manage my emotions in this time? What would you say to what some of your tips, we live in a goal orientated world, right, you know, and say, when I get to that thing, I'm going to be alright, and I'm going to be happy people living in dissatisfaction a lot of the time anyway, you reach that goal and you got it and then it just goes back down again, you know, it wasn't really that important, or whatever is made doesn't make a difference. It's the habits that we have here. That these are the things that the habits, the things that make up our life. Our thinking habits are the things that make our life. Nobody talks about habits. If you think about habits now there's been in a depression, and there's been in a depression if you like, yeah, right now, okay, one's real, and the other ones are like, probably self inflicted in to a large extent. victimhood, Mae, my law, what have I got whatever I'm doing, you know, our student boom out there, right? Yeah. You know, one of the first things to do is like people have we have to pull ourselves together. And if we're in a different a dark place, it's like, alright, shit you've had up today? Yeah. You've been fed up for like two weeks. Yeah. Well, I know. Yeah. All right. Well, that's okay. We'll get it things will get better. They always do. And we will come out of that kind of shift. Yeah, that ship that we had made that chemical imbalance, navy, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, no, I think I think you're right. Some, I mean, some, obviously, some people are, are in a place and I can't talk about because I'm not a mental health professional. Right. So I can't talk about, you know, going get yourself medicated. If you feel that you are genuinely in a place of deep, dark depression. And you can't see a way out, definitely go and say that, but that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking, we're just talking about people who are, you know, all of us going, going through a hard time, how do you his perspective, as well, you see, because we get so locked into the lives that we've got. And we are so attached to our mind and our thinking on that level. We can even a big house or a team heart, we still going to have the same things. Yeah, going on. One has to be very careful with yourself tour most people and their self talk is can be quite debilitating. Yeah. If I yourself sitting in a position where it's the problem in your life is somebody else's fault. That's a sign of victimhood, when you think that somebody else is responsible for something wrong in your life, because it means that you are not in control of your life. So to me, one of the easiest things and everyone goes into victimhood sometimes, but I think it's one of the easiest things you can do is really, really pay attention to your thoughts. Yeah. And pay attention to the narrative and pay attention to whether or not you blame other people for what's wrong in your life. If you can do that you can overcome already you can overcome so much. It's not everything about the the voice in your head, being a victim and at the mercy of somebody else. Just mean, you've allowed yourself to lose control of your life. And you can get that back. Okay, let's just let's to make it clear, right? Some people might be in like abusive relationships. You don't know what I'm talking about them? Yeah, yeah, we're not talking about them. Right. Okay. Right. You know, it's very, that's real. Now, the other thing is right, is when people, a lot of people fall into the victimhood inside people get addicted. Okay, if you think about the neural pathway, I kind of think of it this way, if you see a green grass feel it's pure green by and you walk across in the middle of that field. Yeah, right, you make a little path. If you keep on walking on that path, right? It'll become the path that you walk along. But you could walk along that field anywhere you want to. But so this is how victimhood and men were thinking thing works to a point, I think, right? Because people find themselves in this constant narrative, just write down your thinking this week, or next week, or next week, you'll see buddy, I'm thinking the same stuff. Once you kind of get that in, you take responsibility, we have full responsibility for our lives and how, you know, it's up to us what we make of it, you can change it a little bit, we should always remind ourselves what we forget to do, about the good things that we've done, the achievements that we've made, you know, everything might be black, everything might be dark. And you know, you stuck in that. Yeah, it's definitely it's like a psycho dynamic. It can go on for weeks, years, right? But you can sort of pull it back, you know, you can you can change it, you can get aware of it, and you can sort of life changing, like, right, have a roof over my head, or you can go to something that you've done that was you know, I was I was the best recruit school I was when I got my first job. I was the youngest one to get promoted, or, Oh, well, I got on the TV that time and I was somebody interviewer there's always something or like somebody said something nice about me, like three I remember that person said something nice. And it's so you can we can focus our thinking towards other things that will anchor and enable us a little bit to get out of the dark face is always a crack of light. You know, it's always a crack, like, you know, we're weird and we complicate it, but we will I think we all have a brilliance with our potentials and not realize at all. I you know, I can't think there are any many human beings on the planet have the full potential, but, you know, a lot of us fall a lot, a lot. Sure. You know, people beat themselves up for years and years. They relive the trauma. I'm not disputing trauma, don't get me wrong. Yeah. I'm not sort of like throwing things away. But what sometimes people might do is they'll take a particular situation in their life where maybe they got fired from a job or something bad happened, right, something traumatic, and then they will carry it through for 10 years. Yeah, not true anymore. It becomes it becomes part of their identity, but their identity becomes it becomes less of their potential right So every knock, every knock a person gets, if you take it in and keep it in, you've got to learn how to how to let it go and look it as a gift. Because you know, all those negative experience I had eventually, you know, you're initially you're quite pissed off, but then eventually you kind of go, alright, somebody has given me a gift, I've got time, I can do something else, I can take a different paths, if you can, as quickly as possible move to that. But you know, what we're talking about here is something that both of us have done. And we've talked about it on a much, much, much deeper level. But I find when people are at the beginning of the journey of China and work out where to start to me, it's, it's about it, the first place I think, is monitor your thoughts. Pay attention to what rattles around in your mind on a daily basis. And if you haven't ever done this before, it's actually quite a difficult thing to do. Especially those thought habits you were talking about earlier. Our victimhood happens, people don't know that they're victims, that, you know, they don't they don't make that connection, because they just live in their life the way they think they should live their life. But when they're being a victim, right, they're getting attention by bringing up true, and it's not necessarily good attention, but it's attention, right? There's a victim in my life. He's very clear in my mind when you say that. Yeah, got it. I've always been, like all people had kind of struggled Yeah, yeah, with this person Ferren. I'm not talking about heavy bad struggles. Don't misunderstand me, I know, I've had I've had a charmed life always served. Now my mother introduced me to reading. And I love reading, researching different stuff, I think we need to why the knowledge of what's going on history, spiritual tree teachings and such. And that's why I want to stop there there that spiritual teaching, I'm advocating people go, you know, go to Mass, but I'm in the spiritual dense, I always recommend the people read a great book, which is called the power of now. And while I do that, because when you tell people to take note of that thought, well, they do but then they don't really know what to do about that. But the one book is served me so well, is that the book called The Power of Now here, and by reading it, I got to understand what you're saying about taking care of it. And then now I don't really believe in my thoughts in such a way. It's like, they don't take me away and not stop boo. Yeah. So as you know, the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle definitely recommended. I asked somebody, I said, if there's if there's one book in the world that I need to read, to understand, you know, what life is all about? What is it? And they recommended that and conversations with God? Oh, yeah. What's his name? Neale Donald Walsch. Yep. And when I read The Power of Now, I just, I couldn't do it. Yeah, I couldn't. Yeah, it just didn't resonate with me. But the conversations with God, I thought was absolutely brilliant, right. So if you do take on the advice of reading the book, and you have a negative reaction to it, don't think that's means the book is bad, it just hide it. It's, but it's not just the time, it's also the language that he uses. So how people communicate. So one of the problems I find with a lot of spiritual books is they don't talk in a way that reaches average people that didn't talk in a way that that I make sense, you know, so like, the people I used to work with in the corporate world, the language of a lot of the spiritual books, didn't speak to them. If you want to be successful today, if you speak from your brain, you're never gonna, you're never going to reach people who hear from their heart. Or if you speak from your heart, you're never going to hear reach people who can speak from their brain. So what we need to do is, we need to speak from our hearts and brains if you want to reach so if you read the power of now, and it doesn't resonate, that's okay. Like I'm saying it doesn't mean it's wrong. It's not written the right language. So keep searching. Right? No, exactly. It's horses for courses. Yes. Right. Yeah. Right. But for me, that was the real shift. One of the big shifts and obviously, the coffee with me, you know, and other books, too. A lot of people don't realize they have more power over, you know, over that, this, this way of living and thinking than they realize. And that's the thing. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good time to go on a journey of sort of self discovery. And there's a lot of, you know, there's, I think there's a lot of people out there who have never begun that, right, that journey in it, this is the best time you've ever had, we're in a critical time, you know, we've got existential crisis and all over the place. Now we've got the pandemic, which will go away, right, the psychological effects of that, you know, we've got climate, we've got nuclear problem, right. And we have, you know, everything's going to like AI in the future. The world is just like, in a really, really kind of funny place that way now, and it's, uh, you know, what, it's all overwhelming. You know, so the first place you got to start is to get in control of your mind and your emotions, right. Yeah. Which is essentially why I wrote my book, right, just to try and it's a beautiful book and I I was lucky enough to get the audio tape, so I've missed it all the way through. So I've done the audio book, I need to do that. But anyway, yeah, gotta get a hold of oneself. Yeah, one So, yes, you know, hey, you know, we're not here a long time and basically time passing. Yeah. You know, I think there's some things that wake us up. Yeah. And one of the things that that probably woke you up the other way, when you saw that beautiful picture of your two boys when they were like this in their shorts five years ago, and then ban look now, and all that five years is if I thought that was four, or a lot of change, because if you don't find out what that was, to me, that's kind of like, wow, yeah, no, no, it was the times passing, isn't it? We share this, this world together, in this space and time, all of us. And we will all leave it. So we share this bit of history and time. And our job is to try to live you know, better lives. We don't have to all turn into angels and not saying that we're all in because we're not, you know, we're all good or all bad. Yeah. So we have to mitigate that suffering with all around us, I think. And I think that's where it starts, you know, you can't go out helping lots of other people. And if you're really, you know, that's the, you know, a friend of mine who looks after elderly people, you know, and he said, The worst kind of people who come in are the ones who wouldn't be good day screwed up in their own head, you know, me, we got to get your head, right, like we say, then, you know, we mitigate the suffering around as much as we possibly can. Yeah, the Time passes quickly. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. That's great. That's why I wanted to talk to you today, I don't know, I felt like it might have been time for this message. If you feeling that you've just sitting in deep anger all the time, or you just fearful of the future, or you've given up hope, or, you know, languishing, which is the word of the pandemic for me, or whatever word you want to describe. But if you're, if you're sitting in deeper negative emotions, or feelings, or, or, you know, whatever, just, you know, there's so much beautiful, rich literature and ideas out there that that can help you come through. So you know, don't stay where you actually don't need to it's, it's a lot of work. It takes, you know, been a journey I've been on for 3030 something years, I think I've kind of worked it out. But you know, part of it is accepting you kind of Yeah, it's imperfect. It's, you know, you're frustrated sometimes, but you never in fear. You never get deep. I never get angry, you know, not really, but it's a lot of work. And that's, I suppose, and I know that you've done the work as well. So yeah, yeah, we get overloaded. We're all we'll get overloaded, you know, overloaded, we get negative, we get down, change the movie. Yeah. You don't have to go and read a spiritual book, go read a novel, go into the Lord of the Rings, go to Narnia go through whatever it is that, you know, people just do the Netflix for an hour now. Right? That's right. That's okay. That's fine. That's a big thing. Yeah. You know, people really need and they people need that. But going up another level, is getting that nice, big book out and going and going into a story. And I'll tell you what, you know, when we find that good book, don't we feel better after we've like, you know, can't read it. I can't wait for the next chapter, which is changing what's going on in their head. And that'll make life a little bit easier for some time. So when I post this, I'm going to share a link to your Facebook page a little birdhouse. Alright Ferenc has amazing art. And we've got a few around the house, I'd have to ask you to do another one soon. But just a small thing. But if I'm going to do it, it's going to be funky. Friends also has these pants which are called WTF pants. And the Thai fisherman pants, they can fit anyone in the world. Most basically, and every single one of them is unique. But it's not just fishermen's pants, now you're doing T shirts, you're doing shoes, you're doing everything, please go and check out the work the friends is doing because it's brilliant. He's an artist who's been amazing surviving through a pandemic, not just keeping these community up. But I've loved the resilience. I've loved the I've loved the hope you're a person who lifts others up as you journey and I really admire the way you've been. I want you to know that it's been a real joy to watch. And, you know, we've met in person a couple of times that actually most of our life has been digital, because of the pandemic right, even though we live like 10 minutes away from each other, just because of the situation but we'll spend a lot of time together but yeah, go and buy some of France's WTF pants for a Christmas present. If you're going to buy Christmas presents still buy something worthwhile and if you don't support friends support another artists that you know, yeah, because they're struggling right now. I appreciate that. And like if any of your friends or anybody wants to add me they can, you know, they can look and see what I'm doing. You don't have to buy anything, whatever you want me Yeah, you know, but, but you'll make me smile. Well, yeah, that's it, you know, we want to have to we are all in control of that thing possible. We are direct and direct. I just got if we people just understood that. Were in control. Like it looks like it's spinning out of control, even though it's only because we're allowing it to spin out of control. We can take your conversation back Okay, finally for it because history is repeating itself. And the only reason that history can repeat itself is because of all the good people stays quiet. Now, if we don't if we don't want this, then let's make sure it doesn't happen. I mean, to me, it's pretty simple, very simple. Start with yourself and affect everyone around you as positively as you can report live as we as we can be. And, yeah, you know, it takes one person to change the world. Okay, great. All right, does. Thank you. Thanks for joining me. I love it. Thank you. I love you. We'll do this. We'll do this again soon. We need to do one on thinking about getting other people in. Thank you so much for ince for coming to join me on my podcast. I love talking to you. We always have great chats. I hope you took something away from it. You know, managing your own thoughts is not an easy thing to do. But there's lots of ways to escape your reality like for instance, just grabbing a book on anything you know, just to just get out of the reality if that's what you need. Anyway, so thank you for joining me today Ferenc. Thank you to everyone for listening to Priscilla who edited the podcast and she wasn't feeling great when she did it. So I really appreciate it. And to Gary Kraus that legend music Phuket who's done the original music. Thank you darling. If you like the podcast and it speaks to you give it a rating on whatever podcast you listen to. That certainly helps me if you like it or give it a review and obviously share it with people that you think might appreciate it. That would be awesome. I'll see you soon with somebody else when I have the epiphany of who it should be. To say I love this stuff. Courage courage